“Go Where You Grow”

If you’ve read these for a bit or you’ve known me for a long time, then you know I was raised in a big (5 kids) Catholic family. We all went Catholic school and grew up in Catholic Church.

When I became a mother, I was tasked with choosing a church and a way for my kids and that’s when I realized that duty carried a lot of responsibility. Choosing for someone else hits differently.

And choosing who your kids are around affects how they turn out. I couldn’t afford private school so I knew the church I plugged them in to would be the place where I gave them the biggest peer influence. Back 18 years ago, the youth program wasn’t a thing at our sweet little church in Leeds, but it was a big thing right down the street at a non denominational church.

So we visited, the kids loved it, I loved it, and I was in a “what’s best for my family” vs “don’t want to disappoint the family” conflict. If you’ve ever been Catholic or raised one way then you know what this feels like. It feels like you’re betraying something or saying what you had wasn’t good enough and that wasn’t the case.

The best advice I ever got was from my priest, Father Jim. Of course I went to him, scared and nervous about the idea of leaving the church. Of course I expected him to urge me to “stick to the plan” but I never expected him to say this…

“You go where you grow.” He told me not to worry about disappointing anyone, that they could take it up with him and for me to go to a church where I grew as a mother, where my children grew as Christians, where I would do what was best for MY family.

To have a priest see the bigger picture and be willing to love me and support me through it was one of the kindest and most selfless acts I’d ever seen. Because if him, I raised my kids with confidence and resources I wasn’t afraid to use, we grew as a family, we hosted small groups and I think I fed hundreds of meals to my kids and their friends, all while listening to them talk about life and their love of Jesus and make connections.

I would have never branched out had it not been for Father Jim. He passed on almost ten years ago, and this is a memory of him I love to share with anyone who feels trapped or guilty for doing something different.

You go where you grow.

Father James “Jim” Naughton