No One Deserves Your Worst, Not Even You

That Marilyn Monroe quote “I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” is garbage. The first part is true for everyone, but that last part is just hot garbage. It sounds all good and clever when convincing yourself your disaster is something you want to spread around, but here’s what I think:

Your worst should be the exception, not the rule. We are all worse than our best from time to time. Yes, please, after I show you my best, care enough to extend grace when you experience the ugly and watch me correct it…. Maybe even help me correct it. But, shouldn’t we all have a reasonable expectation of being on the receiving end of effort in all relationships?

If you wouldn’t take that quote to a job interview, a custody hearing, couples therapy, or the gates of Heaven – work yourself out of that mentality now.

You get the best by being your best.

Your Best Valentine is a Happy Heart

When we don’t have joy in our hearts, there’s a good chance we are highly affected by everything that happens around us. Or doesn’t happen, especially on Valentine’s Day.

My wish for everyone this Valentine’s Day is that whether you get flowers or chocolates or dinner or a card or even a phone call, that you find your joy from knowing that you are cherished and valued by the One who truly matters. And by your own self.

Love on yourself this day! Don’t sit around feeling sorry for yourself waiting on someone to define and qualify your value. That’s not their job.

Or just get a dog.

💗🐾💗🐾💗🐾💗🐾💗

What do you give up to be loved?

Being a codependent is real. It’s crippling and something to not get confused with being a good parent, lover, or friend.

If you give up little pieces of yourself and redirect a well thought out plan for your life for companionship, you’ve chosen the wrong company. We are meant to love, but we are not meant to have the life siphoned out of us to BE loved.

Love well, have boundaries, practice saying no with kindness, and learn to be okay with loving from afar when you need to. If that means feeling a temporary rejection in exchange for lasting inner peace, that’s okay.

“There are two questions a man must ask himself: The first is ‘Where am I going?’ and the second is ‘Who will go with me?’ If you ever get these questions in the wrong order you are in trouble.”

Retrain What Your Brain Looks For

So I’ve started doing a new thing with a few of my friends. Each day we actively try to take a picture of the best part of our day to share with each other at the day’s end. I got the idea online and I loved it so much I had to try it.

AND HERE’S WHAT I’VE NOTICED. Not only am I actively seeking out positive moments, wanting to capture them, and getting excited to share them, I’m really excited to see my friends’ happy moments, too. The whole process is just uplifting and has steered me away from negativity or wanting to talk about negative things.

I’ve always loved to hear about happies from my friends, but it hits differently when it’s something we’re celebrating together and for one another.

If you’ve found yourself in a negative mindset, focusing on life’s inconveniences, bumps, and bruises, I can’t recommend this enough. You can actually retrain your brain in what to look for, and when it’s looking for positivity…your whole attitude will change.…and probably your life, too. We attract what we are.

Here’s my favorite from the weekend. A picture I didn’t even take, but was sent to me when one of my best friend’s son got the Venmo I sent him for his 21st birthday bar tab. It was just 20 bucks, but his sweet reaction made me so happy.

The Lighthouse Keeper Stays Awake

My second to last ugly cry a was the morning we buried my granddad “Papa” in 2020. Your memories tend to track the things your heart measures. I was driving to the 6a service of 21 days of prayer with tears so deep I couldn’t see the road and a voice so unsteady I couldn’t even sing to worship in my own car. Not good.

I’m going to share with you the prayer I prayed for myself that worked in ways I can’t explain:

“Ok God, this isn’t working and I need Your help.”

Pretty basic on that day.

You might know where you’re supposed to be going, but being able to see it clearly while you’re on your way is just as important as knowing the destination. And sometimes you need a lighthouse.

This little prayer doesn’t have any fancy prayer words in it and it took little energy at the time, but He answered it anyway. He knew that’s all the energy I had. And it got me through it because there was no way around it. With the kind of emotions that blind us, the best choice is through.

So don’t be afraid to pray your lighthouse prayer for whatever storm you’re in. God listens to them all.

Walking Blind

If you’ve lived in a house long enough, you become able to walk from one side to the other, navigating around all the furniture in between with your eyes closed as if you were blind. I’ve always thought that was pretty neat.

Until you wake up, start sleepily walking across the floor, and almost slip and fall in your dog’s throw up. That’s not neat.

Are you used to being able to walk blind through life as if nothing changes? It does, and just when you least expect it.

There’s something to be said for being aware, being ready, and being able to change. And when you’re alert, you’re not surprised. Stay “on”, don’t get comfortable, and you will always be prepared.

Internal Auditing

At the end of every year, I do an internal audit of every single real estate file in my company before we close out. Sometimes I catch stuff, sometimes I don’t. This year I did and after a long week of combing through every file, I know my bootie won’t clinch if the real estate commission walks through my door for one of their super cool random external audits.

So tonight I was thinking about how important internal audits are for our emotions and mental health. Mainly because one of the things I noticed in our files was by not spending the extra 3 seconds to do it when it was needed, it created a very stressful week for a lot of our crew. We got it done, but we made it more than it needed to be. It felt dumb.

So why don’t we deal with our emotions in a timely manner? Why do we let all these unaudited, unreconciled emotions linger into our future? Because we think at the time they don’t need to be dealt with? Because we can’t be bothered? Why is it okay to burden our relationships with “stuff” we didn’t feel like dealing with from our past?

Short answer is, it’s not okay and we shouldn’t wait. Long answer is deeper than that and different for everyone based on their own experience. So this year I’m going to dig a little deeper into the why, poke a little harder at the because, and do a little more internal auditing so these things don’t fester. And I’m going to take this inventory often and not only in crisis mode when it takes 10x longer to close out.

Happy auditing! It sure does feel good to know things are in order no matter what they are.

There’s More to Everyone’s Story

Maintaining a picket fence perfect life front is a lot of work…And not very effective if your goal is to help people. No-one has a perfect marriage, perfect children, zero conflict in friendships, no financial conflicts, perfect bodies or no insecurities – Ze-ro of us do!

People learn so much more from your scars than they do your trophies, so don’t be too proud to lift someone up if it means exposing a past struggle or imperfection. We could all be more effective if we focused on what we had to offer instead of what we think we’re missing.

“But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.” John 1:12-13

Christmas Recovery

To all the parents out there recovering from Christmas….You’re doing a good job, you nailed it, and it was all worth it.

God sent His only son down to be born into a family for a reason. He could have sent Him as a grown adult, but He specifically chose a mother for Him who also carefully chose a husband to raise Him. Jesus being born into a family gives us an obvious indicator of how important family is to God. And by that, how important it should be for us.

The ones designed to teach our children the importance of family, consideration, togetherness, generosity, grace, forgiveness, and basic values are the ones who spend the most time with them.

Good job to the ones who gained a few more grey hairs this December, who lived on coffee and leftover chicken fingers, who baked cookies, decorated trees, read stories, lit the advent wreath, wrapped up gifts, went to the candlelight service, told stories, visited grandparents and loved ones, and showed those around them what unconditional love looks like. A true season of servant leadership is what Christmas is made of because that is what Jesus was known for.

I hope we all cherish our families during this Christmas season of joy. We are here for the specific purpose to love each other and show God’s love through that kindness, compassion, and generosity of time. May Christmas more than ever be a reminder of what that looks like.

“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” John 1:14 NIV

Maybe if You Ask 67 Times

Maybe if you ask 67 times you’ll turn that no into a yes. Maybe reword it or ask for the same thing from a different angle. Maybe keep pushing and ask at a different time of day.

Or maybe listen to the answer the first time, change the situation by doing your part to change the facts, and then revisit it.

I’m all for persistence and tenacity, I think it’s amazing. But when our one track, horse to a barn agenda wares out someone you love to the point where you either 1. Finally get what you want with no regard for what they want or 2. They stop caring all together, that’s not preserving the relationship.

Survival mode is real. When people are in it, they’re caring for themselves because that’s the number one step to being able to care for others – being healthy and having that extra effort to donate.

So when you hear someone say “I can’t”, ask why if you like, realize there’s a factor outside of your own agenda, and believe them.