Internal Auditing

At the end of every year, I do an internal audit of every single real estate file in my company before we close out. Sometimes I catch stuff, sometimes I don’t. This year I did and after a long week of combing through every file, I know my bootie won’t clinch if the real estate commission walks through my door for one of their super cool random external audits.

So tonight I was thinking about how important internal audits are for our emotions and mental health. Mainly because one of the things I noticed in our files was by not spending the extra 3 seconds to do it when it was needed, it created a very stressful week for a lot of our crew. We got it done, but we made it more than it needed to be. It felt dumb.

So why don’t we deal with our emotions in a timely manner? Why do we let all these unaudited, unreconciled emotions linger into our future? Because we think at the time they don’t need to be dealt with? Because we can’t be bothered? Why is it okay to burden our relationships with “stuff” we didn’t feel like dealing with from our past?

Short answer is, it’s not okay and we shouldn’t wait. Long answer is deeper than that and different for everyone based on their own experience. So this year I’m going to dig a little deeper into the why, poke a little harder at the because, and do a little more internal auditing so these things don’t fester. And I’m going to take this inventory often and not only in crisis mode when it takes 10x longer to close out.

Happy auditing! It sure does feel good to know things are in order no matter what they are.

There’s More to Everyone’s Story

Maintaining a picket fence perfect life front is a lot of work…And not very effective if your goal is to help people. No-one has a perfect marriage, perfect children, zero conflict in friendships, no financial conflicts, perfect bodies or no insecurities – Ze-ro of us do!

People learn so much more from your scars than they do your trophies, so don’t be too proud to lift someone up if it means exposing a past struggle or imperfection. We could all be more effective if we focused on what we had to offer instead of what we think we’re missing.

“But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.” John 1:12-13

Christmas Recovery

To all the parents out there recovering from Christmas….You’re doing a good job, you nailed it, and it was all worth it.

God sent His only son down to be born into a family for a reason. He could have sent Him as a grown adult, but He specifically chose a mother for Him who also carefully chose a husband to raise Him. Jesus being born into a family gives us an obvious indicator of how important family is to God. And by that, how important it should be for us.

The ones designed to teach our children the importance of family, consideration, togetherness, generosity, grace, forgiveness, and basic values are the ones who spend the most time with them.

Good job to the ones who gained a few more grey hairs this December, who lived on coffee and leftover chicken fingers, who baked cookies, decorated trees, read stories, lit the advent wreath, wrapped up gifts, went to the candlelight service, told stories, visited grandparents and loved ones, and showed those around them what unconditional love looks like. A true season of servant leadership is what Christmas is made of because that is what Jesus was known for.

I hope we all cherish our families during this Christmas season of joy. We are here for the specific purpose to love each other and show God’s love through that kindness, compassion, and generosity of time. May Christmas more than ever be a reminder of what that looks like.

“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” John 1:14 NIV

Maybe if You Ask 67 Times

Maybe if you ask 67 times you’ll turn that no into a yes. Maybe reword it or ask for the same thing from a different angle. Maybe keep pushing and ask at a different time of day.

Or maybe listen to the answer the first time, change the situation by doing your part to change the facts, and then revisit it.

I’m all for persistence and tenacity, I think it’s amazing. But when our one track, horse to a barn agenda wares out someone you love to the point where you either 1. Finally get what you want with no regard for what they want or 2. They stop caring all together, that’s not preserving the relationship.

Survival mode is real. When people are in it, they’re caring for themselves because that’s the number one step to being able to care for others – being healthy and having that extra effort to donate.

So when you hear someone say “I can’t”, ask why if you like, realize there’s a factor outside of your own agenda, and believe them.

Little Bird Brain

Something my grandmother always said was that our “little bird brains” aren’t supposed to understand everything.

Why do bad things happen? Why do the ones we love get sick? Why is there violence and destruction? Why do things fall apart?

Maybe we’re not meant to understand. Maybe there’s a greater lesson and a bigger purpose. Maybe we’re in the middle of the greatest pain, there’s a reason and a why we just aren’t supposed to understand.

One thing I know when I try to figure it all out and put that puzzle together with all the missing border pieces is…I’ll just stay frustrated and left with questions not designed to be answered. I try daily not to do that and trust that my omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent God sees, knows, and understands all of it. It’s comforting to know the One in charge does.

“Do you listen in on God’s council? Or do you limit wisdom to yourself?” Job 15:8

So, What? You Fell Down?

How many times does a baby fall before he finally walks? Dozens at minimum? Probably hundreds? You’ll never hear his parent say, “It’s okay little Johnny, walking’s probably not for you,” & carry him around until he’s fifteen.

If your growth opportunity feels resistant, it’s because you’re GROWING & there’s always opposition when there’s improvement. Take on the tenacity of a 10 month old & don’t be afraid to fall if it’s teaching you to walk. You’re not going to hear from your Heavenly Father “It’s okay, improvement’s just not for you.”

Keep trying. You’ll get it.

“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;” Romans 5:3 NIV

If Conflict was a Toothache…

If we get a toothache, we know to go to the dentist to treat it. We all know a toothache is something you can’t ignore because we all know it’ll just get worse and worse if you do.

So why do we sometimes ignore conflict when we don’t want to deal with it? It doesn’t just “go away” and most of the time when we ignore it, it just gets worse by causing bitterness or distance in the relationship.

Deal with it like you deal with a toothache. Get down to the root and unpack that hurt with someone who can talk you through it. Therapy is underrated, having a person is important, and being able to talk about your feelings can sometimes be uncomfortable.

If conflict were a toothache, then it’s pain is an indicator, and it’s okay to admit you need a little extra help to resolve it.

If You Died, Someone Would Cry…

Posted every year since 2015.

Dear Person Who is Loved by People,

This Christmas season as we’re making our gift lists and thinking about what we don’t have and want – a wish for all of us is that we remember that PEOPLE are the most important gift we will ever receive from this world.

Relationships are not always flowers and rainbows or effortless and easy. Sometimes we don’t even like the people in our lives who love us, but the GIFT of having people in your life who would cry if you died is the ONLY THING ON THIS EARTH that you cannot buy or add to a Christmas list.

May we all never take people for granted or truly believe we don’t have to do our part to make relationships work. In this throw away generation, we think we can just toss out something when it fails to be 100% efficient or something better or flashier is in front of us.

People are not things we get to use up or get tired of like when the new i652 comes out, when our heads get big with success, or the devil gets in our ear with lies. How we choose to affect people matters. How people feel by our actions, words, lack of actions, lack of words and effort – it all matters. May the generosity of someone’s love never be something we assume as a right instead of a privilege.

This season of giving and loving, please make the effort, be vulnerable, love without expectation of perfection, be humble, show kindness without motives, show interest in things that interest the people who love you…be a kind person who is after God’s heart in every facet of your life.

Sincerely,
Every Person Who Loves You

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” Romans 9-13

Are You Lonely?

Are you lonely or have you just found yourself alone? You can feel lonely right next to someone. And you can be alone and feel totally content.

Holidays are hard. So before you run out and jump into a relationship because you see all the pictures on social media, go to the parties without a plus one, or start feeling sorry for yourself…. Learn to be happy in your own company.

If you don’t feel content in your own home with your own company…being with someone will not fix that. We are not designed to be alone, but we’re not designed to use people so we don’t feel lonely either.

Love when your heart’s ready, not when it’s hungry.

Leave it in the Rearview

There’s something cathartic about driving away. Especially when you look the rear view mirror and literally see your problems get smaller.

But do they? Do problems go away just because you leave them where you felt them? They really don’t.

Sometimes we just need a break. A way to clear our heads and think and new scenery to get new perspective. Sometimes your mind needs a rest. And sometimes we need an open space to pray, free of distractions.

So if you’ve got something weighing on you, or too many little something’s crowding your mind…Take yourself a little drive to sort yourself out. Just make sure you saddle back up and round trip it back home.

Timeline of Regret

If you live long enough you may look back at a point in your life and want a do over. Think about that. So 2 years ago you didn’t handle something the way you think today you would have handled it and that makes you wish you could go back and change it.

But two years ago you didn’t know what you know now so it’s just not the same. You can’t live life wanting to go back with today’s information and make yesterday’s decisions.

There’s a reason they say “hindsight is 20/20”, because it’s so clear what you would have done now that everything has unfolded. It’s easy to coach Saturday’s team when you’re watching Sunday film, and it’s easy to fall into an emotion of regret when you forget it’s the lesson you were learning for tomorrow.

Learn from yesterday and be thankful for the wisdom. If you don’t like how it feels or how it turned out, grow by not doing it again. But don’t regret the lesson because of the education it took to learn it.

It’s Not Right or Wrong

It’s not right or wrong, it’s “do you understand?”…

The best relationships are born and thrive in this question. It’s not always about defending your decision. It’s not always about proving to the other person why you were justified and where they were wrong.

If maintaining the relationship is important to you, it’s about understanding where the other person is coming from, which doesn’t equal agreeing with them. It’s “do you understand them”.

“They are not trying to win arguments of right or wrong. They are trying to understand each other.”

Matthew McConaughey, Greenlights