Something my grandmother always said was that our “little bird brains” aren’t supposed to understand everything.
Why do bad things happen? Why do the ones we love get sick? Why is there violence and destruction? Why do things fall apart?
Maybe we’re not meant to understand. Maybe there’s a greater lesson and a bigger purpose. Maybe we’re in the middle of the greatest pain, there’s a reason and a why we just aren’t supposed to understand.
One thing I know when I try to figure it all out and put that puzzle together with all the missing border pieces is…I’ll just stay frustrated and left with questions not designed to be answered. I try daily not to do that and trust that my omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent God sees, knows, and understands all of it. It’s comforting to know the One in charge does.
“Do you listen in on God’s council? Or do you limit wisdom to yourself?” Job 15:8
How many times does a baby fall before he finally walks? Dozens at minimum? Probably hundreds? You’ll never hear his parent say, “It’s okay little Johnny, walking’s probably not for you,” & carry him around until he’s fifteen.
If your growth opportunity feels resistant, it’s because you’re GROWING & there’s always opposition when there’s improvement. Take on the tenacity of a 10 month old & don’t be afraid to fall if it’s teaching you to walk. You’re not going to hear from your Heavenly Father “It’s okay, improvement’s just not for you.”
Keep trying. You’ll get it.
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;” Romans 5:3 NIV
If we get a toothache, we know to go to the dentist to treat it. We all know a toothache is something you can’t ignore because we all know it’ll just get worse and worse if you do.
So why do we sometimes ignore conflict when we don’t want to deal with it? It doesn’t just “go away” and most of the time when we ignore it, it just gets worse by causing bitterness or distance in the relationship.
Deal with it like you deal with a toothache. Get down to the root and unpack that hurt with someone who can talk you through it. Therapy is underrated, having a person is important, and being able to talk about your feelings can sometimes be uncomfortable.
If conflict were a toothache, then it’s pain is an indicator, and it’s okay to admit you need a little extra help to resolve it.
This Christmas season as we’re making our gift lists and thinking about what we don’t have and want – a wish for all of us is that we remember that PEOPLE are the most important gift we will ever receive from this world.
Relationships are not always flowers and rainbows or effortless and easy. Sometimes we don’t even like the people in our lives who love us, but the GIFT of having people in your life who would cry if you died is the ONLY THING ON THIS EARTH that you cannot buy or add to a Christmas list.
May we all never take people for granted or truly believe we don’t have to do our part to make relationships work. In this throw away generation, we think we can just toss out something when it fails to be 100% efficient or something better or flashier is in front of us.
People are not things we get to use up or get tired of like when the new i652 comes out, when our heads get big with success, or the devil gets in our ear with lies. How we choose to affect people matters. How people feel by our actions, words, lack of actions, lack of words and effort – it all matters. May the generosity of someone’s love never be something we assume as a right instead of a privilege.
This season of giving and loving, please make the effort, be vulnerable, love without expectation of perfection, be humble, show kindness without motives, show interest in things that interest the people who love you…be a kind person who is after God’s heart in every facet of your life.
Sincerely, Every Person Who Loves You
“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” Romans 9-13
Are you lonely or have you just found yourself alone? You can feel lonely right next to someone. And you can be alone and feel totally content.
Holidays are hard. So before you run out and jump into a relationship because you see all the pictures on social media, go to the parties without a plus one, or start feeling sorry for yourself…. Learn to be happy in your own company.
If you don’t feel content in your own home with your own company…being with someone will not fix that. We are not designed to be alone, but we’re not designed to use people so we don’t feel lonely either.
Love when your heart’s ready, not when it’s hungry.
There’s something cathartic about driving away. Especially when you look the rear view mirror and literally see your problems get smaller.
But do they? Do problems go away just because you leave them where you felt them? They really don’t.
Sometimes we just need a break. A way to clear our heads and think and new scenery to get new perspective. Sometimes your mind needs a rest. And sometimes we need an open space to pray, free of distractions.
So if you’ve got something weighing on you, or too many little something’s crowding your mind…Take yourself a little drive to sort yourself out. Just make sure you saddle back up and round trip it back home.
If you live long enough you may look back at a point in your life and want a do over. Think about that. So 2 years ago you didn’t handle something the way you think today you would have handled it and that makes you wish you could go back and change it.
But two years ago you didn’t know what you know now so it’s just not the same. You can’t live life wanting to go back with today’s information and make yesterday’s decisions.
There’s a reason they say “hindsight is 20/20”, because it’s so clear what you would have done now that everything has unfolded. It’s easy to coach Saturday’s team when you’re watching Sunday film, and it’s easy to fall into an emotion of regret when you forget it’s the lesson you were learning for tomorrow.
Learn from yesterday and be thankful for the wisdom. If you don’t like how it feels or how it turned out, grow by not doing it again. But don’t regret the lesson because of the education it took to learn it.
It’s not right or wrong, it’s “do you understand?”…
The best relationships are born and thrive in this question. It’s not always about defending your decision. It’s not always about proving to the other person why you were justified and where they were wrong.
If maintaining the relationship is important to you, it’s about understanding where the other person is coming from, which doesn’t equal agreeing with them. It’s “do you understand them”.
“They are not trying to win arguments of right or wrong. They are trying to understand each other.”
Sometimes we find ourselves in less that desirable situations because we’ve gotten ourselves into less than desirable situations.
Sometimes when the stars don’t align, the train takes too long to pass, or someone doesn’t react like we thought they would, it shifts us out of plan and away from how we wanted life to be.
But what about when we see it coming? What about all those clues we ignore because we don’t like change or because ignoring them today and dealing with them tomorrow is what we think is easier to do?
Our plans don’t always go “as planned”. There are just too many variables of life to think we can predict the future. The comfort of a routine is not good if the route of the routine is misguided. We don’t gain 30 pounds in a week, a marriage doesn’t end in a month, friendships don’t dissolve over a weekend, and finances don’t fall apart in one transaction.
Little things always add up to big things. That’s math. So unless we’re subtracting with counter actions, evolving the plan, and making little adjustments to stay on a forward moving path…We will more than likely find ourselves somewhere we don’t want to be.
This may be an unpopular opinion and also maybe hypocritical to my “let it go” and “heal the hurt” messages…so hear me out. How far do you take it when someone hurts your child?
All the way to the gates of hell to deliver them and back is how far I’ll take it. I’m not a parent who has had to deal with learning my child was abused sexually or physically, that may have very well landed me in jail. But I am a parent who has learned just how nasty adults can be towards children, my children and also other children I love.
If there’s anything on this earth that fires me up, it’s when adults use children to hurt other adults. If you’ve been divorced, this may sound familiar, or if you have children in your life you care for it may also ring true.
Children are innocent bystanders to the schmuck of life, so when they’re little hearts are hurt by cold, calculating, manipulative adults, I’m not saying it’s unforgivable, but I am saying you can forgive, remember, and adjust accordingly.
Say something. Do something. Protect a child from unnecessary hurt. This adjustment may mean distance and it may mean no contact. Whatever it looks like in your situation, take it all the way. When those children are adults, they will see you protected them and that’s a quiet confidence they can blossom in.
As adults if they choose to encourage the healing of a relationship that was hurtful to them before, stand by them then, too. Whatever the outcome may be, they’ll always remember who stood in front of them when they couldn’t protect themselves.
Deeper Than a Puddle 