The Rest of the Serenity Prayer

A positive, but realistic, attitude is inspirational and breathes life into a garbage can situation. There’s no power or influence in being a complainer or a negative word spewer. Being a realist doesn’t mean being harsh, it means you understand, advise, and see how to adjust accordingly to realize the best possible outcome.

The Serenity Prayer’s first verse we all know lays out the idea, but that *second one we might not know is where the directions are…. it’s just not as easily remembered because there’s not enough room for it on the plaque at HomeGoods.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

*Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Reinhold Niebuhr

If I Just Had One More….

When someone dies what I hear most people say is “if I just had one more ____”.

One more hug, one more walk, one more bit of advice, one more camping trip, one more coffee, one more cold beer, one more sunset cruise, just one more time to do that one thing with the person we love.

Today marks one year of the last time I saw my grandmother, last picture, last laugh, last bit of advice, last cold beer…today is the day I’m one of those people who thinks “I wish I just had one more” of any of those things because I miss all of them.

I was never sad for her to go to Heaven. That’s what she wanted, what she lived her life for. Her and my granddad created a legacy. She had a wonderful, fun filled, full life of love and laughter and everything she probably dreamed of as a little girl. But, I was sad for me and for my kids, my family and her friends who all wanted more time and all miss her, too.

So we can take these moments of wanting one more, while being unproductive in that emotion, and turn them into moments of giving one more, giving bits of happiness to others and creating memories with them.

To everyone feeling a little sad over wanting more with someone they lost, try and think of the things that you do to make people feel special and then go give one more away.

Because one day someone will want one more with you, too.

One last picture. My oldest, Alex, and his great grandmother, “BJ” on this day, 2021.

Is Social Media Making You Sad?

Is social media making you sad? There’s a good chance it might have something to do with it.

Everyone looking all happy and successful, with perfect children and perfect marriages…on perfect trips in perfect cars with perfect friends who give perfect advice and the perfect gift for no reason.

We have to know all that is only a very small part of someone’s real life. We have to know everyone struggles. And we have to know just because not everyone’s likes to advertise those things, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

So don’t be sad. Don’t feel inadequate or behind, and don’t feel left out. You can feel happy for someone else without feeling sad for yourself when you remember just because it didn’t make it to the highlight reel of social media doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.

Your life doesn’t suck. You’re just on social media too much.

They Always Look For You

Our kids…They ALWAYS look for us. And here’s something else moms…. they always LISTEN for us, too. If you think that boy on the wrestling mat isn’t listening for his mama to love on him from the stands, you are wrong. I’m not talking coach mom-style calling out moves, I’m talking about yelling your child’s name with the love and tone he will always hear and be encouraged by.

My now twenty four year old, Alex, was a big wrestler all through school. I tried one time during a big match to be silent because some a-hole dad told me I was “too loud” and he “couldn’t hear his coach”. But my son came off the mat, bee lined over to me, and asked me why I didn’t yell for him. “What? I didn’t think you could hear me anyway and I didn’t want to mess you up.” to that he replied, “Mama, I always hear you.”

All that to say… there were hundreds of other matches where he didn’t acknowledge my presence, but the one time he sensed my absence was memorable. It’s the same thing. Don’t think because you don’t get gushed all over for doing what God put you here to do (love on your child the way THEY feel it), that you shouldn’t be doing it. Don’t you ever label your encouragement irrelevant. The sound of your voice is relevant. You being within eyesight after the big win AND the big loss is relevant.

Our presence and absence as parents is an opportunity wrapped up in a gift of finite time. Go to the games! Scream their names! Be present and EARN that position God put you in as their life coach. The “Hey mama, what do you think about .” “Hey mama, what should I do about ____.” “Hey mama, listen to this….” phone calls and sit downs you get from them as adults are what you earn from that time spent with them as children.

But Will He Give You the Last Piece of Chicken?

You may have heard the saying about mothers…

A Mother Is A Person Who, Seeing There Are Only Four Pieces Of A Pie For Five People, Promptly Announces She Never Did Care For Pie.

Tenneva Jordan

I love this quote because it’s so accurate in how mothers love and sacrifice for their families. So, when I was talking to one of my builders years ago about a guy I was dating and he asked me, “but will he give you the last piece of chicken?” it really made me question things.

The answer was no, that particular guy wouldn’t have. He would have eaten it and then asked me to go get some more. It had never been broken down for me like that, but when I thought about how that mentality would bleed into other parts of our future…I was quickly unimpressed and I ended it.

The goal is to find someone who treats you well and sees your needs, who would let you have the last piece of chicken… since you never did care for pie.

If I Agree With You….

If I agree with you to appease you, and you’re wrong…that makes us both wrong. Ouch.

Sometimes we think being a peacemaker means agreeing, but if agreeing makes the both of you wrong, is that the side you want to be on?

It’s perfectly okay to respectfully disagree or minimum to say “I’m going to have to think on that”. Don’t be more fearful of the outburst from the one you’re debating with than you are of offending your own morals.

If it take less than 60 seconds….

I’m so bad about implementing this, so I’m writing it down to remind myself more than anything.…

It really takes no time at all for a clean house to suddenly look like tornado came through it. So when we walk by yesterday’s outfit reject and it would take less than 60 seconds to hang it up, why do we wait for them to pile up into a 60 minute chore?

It’s not good for our brains, our inner peace, or even having company over to have clutter everywhere. The spaces we spend our time in should promote good vibes or we can’t expect to take good vibes with us when we leave them.

I think organized people are the ones who pick up and clear out little by little and not let it turn into a weekend or week long project. So…I’m writing it here. If it takes less than 60 seconds to do it, do it. We won’t miss that minute, but that hour chunk is a chunk we’re taking away from time we could otherwise enjoy.

Get in the Woods

A lot of the world’s problems can be solved as far as you can tell by just removing yourself from them for a minute.

When the world feels a little heavy, the whirlwind of daily life runs you, or when it feels like every single decision is on your shoulders…

Go to the woods. Take a beat. Sit by a fire and have nothing to wrestle with but how the logs on the fire put out the most heat or which way the wind is blowing the smoke.

Not much brings you back to center like being in the middle of the very thing God made for us to live in. The woods, the crickets, and a fire.

When You Can’t Do What You Said You’d Do…

Have you ever borrowed money from a friend or family member? Have you ever gotten in a tight spot and can’t pay it back like you said you would? What do you do then?

Well, you don’t ignore it. You don’t keep going out to eat and buying custom monogrammed blankets for your kids, you don’t keep those 16 subscriptions to all your favorite shows, brag about your new hunting rifle, and you don’t get your nails done. Not if you have a debt you “can’t pay”.

Because this is what it feels like you’re saying to the one you’re not paying: Your money isn’t as important as mine. The time and energy you spent to have the money to loan me isn’t important. You are not important.

Make the phone call. Tell them what’s going on. If you have to pay $20 a week when you promised to pay $50, the show of effort means a lot! Don’t be surprised when they get all in your budget and want to know what went wrong and don’t be offended when they do.

The decision to give you something is a decision made by the GIVER. A gift is not a loan gone bad. Remember their willingness to lend you the money was out of love and care, so the willingness to work with you when you communicate might be also.

Do Friendships Have Seasons?

Do our friendships change? Sure they do and for a lot of different reasons. Not always bad reasons, but change is change.

When I got pregnant with my son at eighteen I lived this. My friendships changed because I changed. I wasn’t headed to college, I wasn’t partying every weekend…I just wasn’t in the same season as your typical eighteen year old. Some of my friendships evolved during that time, but others didn’t because we were living different lives at the time.

Fast forward to my kids are in sports and I had my stadium friendships. I spent most of my time with these other parents and by default we became great friends. Some of those lasted, but after my kids aged out, so did a lot of those daily talks because the time wasn’t there to have them.

Fast forward to today…my kids are grown, my stadium days are over, I’m not much of a go-outer, and I’m spending more time being a “Dee” to other people’s kids, being a teacher to my agents, and tinkering around my house. Some friends are the same from high school or raising kids, but most of them are different.

So why have my friendships changed over the years? Because I have. My ideas changed, my priorities changed, my ways of living changed, the way I spend my time changed. So it’s natural to be closer to different people during different seasons.

You see, some friendships are like bras. Year round, no matter what. You guys support each other every day no matter what season you’re in and you’re on common ground every day. Any female knows a good bra is rare, so you’re lucky to have a handful of these. Others are like winter coats or a beach cover up….still loved and still valuable…just not in all seasons of life.

It’s okay to have both kinds. You can give different friends your best and connect at the right common time, and have a different spot for the ones who have become a part of your every day life.